From The Mouths of T.V. Presenters and Commentators

Everyone knows I enjoy a bit of innuendo, so imagine my delight when I came across (pfnar pfnar) these gems the other day ! 12 of the finest slip ups aired on U.K. television.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! What have I just said ?"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live'said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set,but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Cheltenham 2010: Champion Hurdle

Right then, thanks to Tim for dragging the blog into the new decade with a nice little review of the last ten years, but now it’s time to get back to the serious business of scooping. Over the next couple of weeks, I’m hoping to get stuck into quite a few Cheltenham Festival races and I’m going to start off with what looks to be one of the most competitive renewals of the Smurfit Kappa sponsored Champion Hurdle, that we’ve had in a long time. Last year, my main pick was Celestial Halo (at 10/1) who was beaten a neck by Punjabi (pictured above, Celestial Halo in red and white) and I would like to go one better this time around.

The showpiece event of the Festival’s opening day, the Champion Hurdle is for those horses aged four or older and is contested over eight hurdles, spread over two miles and half a furlong. The much fancied Solwhit and Go Native are two of the many Irish raiders looking to take on last year’s front three of Punjabi, Celestial Halo and Binocular, who all line up again for this year’s renewal; a tasty prospect. As ever, I will begin by looking at some key trends to try and thin the field.

The first thing to note is that there have been just two horses aged five win this race in the last thirty or so years and for a four year old Champion Hurdle winner, you must go back to Forestation in 1942. Similarly, we’ve not seen a horse aged older than nine win the race since the great Sea Pigeon in 1980 and 1981 and only two nine year olds have triumphed in that time. We ought then, to be looking at those in the six to eight years old bracket, allowing us to whittle the field from 34 entries to 24 and ruling out a couple of market fancies, in the shape of Zaynar and Solwhit.

The major trend in the race, as with a lot of the Cheltenham Festival events, is previous form at the track. The old adage of “horses for courses” really holds true here as many fail to get to grips with the undulations at Prestbury Park and some simply come alive there. Past course form may be important, but results at the Festival meeting itself are even better, as eight of the last ten Champion Hurdle winners had previously scored at the Festival, the other two having placed top four in a Festival race. Armed with this knowledge, I can reduce the field to just eight: American Trilogy, Celestial Halo, Punjabi, Dunguib, Go Native, Katchit and Quevega (all past winners at the Festival) plus Khyber Kim (twice winner at Cheltenham recently).

You could arguably include Binocular (left) on account of his two places at the Festival and Medermit, who battled on gamely to lose by a neck in Go Native’s Supreme Novices win, but I don’t like either of these. The latter has twice been comfortably beaten by Khyber Kim in the last few months, both times at Cheltenham, whilst Binocular is a horribly overrated and underperforming horse, who has been all but written off by his own jockey (AP McCoy, no less) in the last few days. Readers of this blog will know of my willingness to take him on.

I will also rule out Dunguib, as connections have stated a preference for the Supreme Novices and have effectively decided against a run in this one, leaving us with just seven.

As much as I’d love to go with Celestial Halo again, I really don’t know what to make of his preparation so far. A comfortable win on reappearance taught us nothing and was followed by defeat in the Boylesports International (2 ¼ lengths) to Khyber Kim (right), but he was giving away 4lbs and only lost after a blunder at the last. This was followed by a disappointing Irish Champion Hurdle, but the race was run in a bit of a bog so there are possible excuses. Unfortunately there are too many question marks for me and I’d rather invest in something a little more concrete, so I’ll be discounting last year’s tip, which is probably the cue for you all to run down to Hills and lump on at a best price 16/1.

Khyber Kim has twice failed at the Cheltenham Festival and has never looked much cop until recently, when landing a Grade 3, before following up in the Boylesports International (Grade 2), both at Cheltenham. Following the latter form line, I don’t think Khyber Kim can beat Celestial Halo at level weights and as I’ve already ruled that one out, I have to put a line through Khyber Kim too.

Quevega looks a live outsider, but could be more likely to go and defend her David Nicholson Mares’ Hurdle title, which looks an easier option. Trainer Willie Mullins also has a poor record in this race, with nothing so much as a place from six tries. Let’s put a line through the 50/1 shot.

I really don’t know what to make of American Trilogy. The Vincent O’Brien County Handicap Hurdle winner hasn’t been seen since April and has been declared as unlikely to run in next week’s Totesport Trophy. They’ll surely struggle to get a run into the grey gelding before Cheltenham if it doesn’t line up, so I’m thinking they’ve changed their mind about the Champion Hurdle. Besides, it’s form since winning at last year’s festival isn’t inspiring, a beaten favourite twice in two, a Grade 2 and a Listed Race. Next please.

Go Native (left) is currently second favourite in the market (best price 6/1, widely available) and there is a lot to like about the seven year old. His only trip to Cheltenham saw him return with the Supreme Novices’ Hurdle trophy and he recently took the Fighting Fifth, which Timmy Murphy claimed would produce this year’s Champion Hurdle winner and was last year won by Punjabi (who did go on to win the Champion Hurdle). Noel Meade’s record in the race isn’t great though, with just a single place from eight runners, so I’d be wanting a good bit bigger than 6/1.

So I’m left with Punjabi and Katchit, both past winners of the Champion Hurdle. This race is well known for repeat winners, with five horses winning the race three times in a row (including Istabraq and the Nicky Henderson trained See You Then) and six horses winning it twice. This would seem to underline the pair’s already impressive credentials. Katchit was my saver last year and finished not far back in sixth, but this time round seems more likely to be contesting the World Hurdle, so I’ll leave him out for now.

Punjabi is quite overpriced as far as I can tell (16s widely available, as short as 10/1 with Totesport). His trainer has four wins in the race, the horse won the race last year and was placed third the year prior to that, aged five. You can argue all day long about the strength of the last two renewals, but for me, it’s very difficult to argue against that form. As disappointing as he was during the Boylesports International, Nicky Henderson did point out to all and sundry that the horse was in need of the run and last time out, he was beaten four lengths by Medermit (though giving away 4lbs) and he did make a mistake at the last that day. I’m sure we can expect better come the Festival. If Geraghty stays on Punjabi, that’s a further positive as he’s probably the best jockey around when it comes to riding Cheltenham.

At this early stage I’d be happy to stick a half point e/w on Punjabi at 16s. Closer to the time, I’d be looking at increasing that a little, with Go Native and Zaynar of possible interest as savers.

Smurfit Kappa Champion Hurdle
Tuesday 16th March, 15:20
Punjabi - 0.5 points e/w

12 March update: Punjabi is now a best priced 8/1, only with Totesport and Sportingbet. As short as 6/1 with some firms. Totesport are offering new members £60 in free bets, so you don't even need to stake real money - nothing to lose. Get on!

2010 ... Same Old Story So Far !

So, in this brief post, I’ll quickly address my thoughts, hopes and fears for what the forthcoming year has to offer. Already, we are over a month into the New Year, and some familiar patterns and stories have emerged in news, sport and music with which we can cross reference to similar events from the last decade.

The people of Haiti have experienced a devastating earthquake; loss of life, livelihoods and all of the associated problems with disasters of this nature have been rife. U.N. aid workers attending the scenes described it as the “worst natural disaster” in living memory. We’ve also had warnings from government security agencies that the U.K. is on the highest level of terror alert – no respite from the threat of “Al-Qaeda” et al still, as Allied Troops overseas continue to clash in Afghanistan; the death toll rises almost daily. We’ve also witnessed our inability to deal with winter weather once again, as snowfall has brought transport links, schools and services to a standstill. And of course, the British obsession with the celebrity lives on – the repulsive Katy Price (a.k.a. “Jordan”) has married once again, only eight months after her divorce to Peter Andre. This time she has tied the knot with the newly crowned “Celebrity Big Brother” winner, cage fighter Alex Reid.

In music, will the “X-Factor” continue to dominate ? It’s safe to say it will certainly have a major bearing on the charts for years to come not only from the up and coming newcomers, but also established acts. Although “Rage Against The Machine” took the Christmas top spot in 2009, they quickly disappeared out of the charts only two weeks later, while “X-Factor” winner Joe McElderry remains in the top forty to date. The “comedy” act of last years competition “Jedward” also look likely to have success on the back of the show, in this weeks midweek download chart they are sitting second on sales. The reality pop bubble certainly has not burst yet. So for this year, expect more of the same, plus charity singles (the all star collaboration involved in the cover of “R.E.M.’s” hit “Everybody Hurts” is a nailed-on certainty for several weeks at number one), and no doubt there will be another boy or girl band reunion this year too – “East 17” ? “A1” ? “Vanilla” ? No Way, No Way … MaNamaNa ! Don’t get fresh with me ! Hopefully not, is all I can say.

The world of football has already seen triumph, tragedy and scandal. Egypt won the African Cup of Nations, which was overshadowed by the ambush of the Togo team bus just days before the start of the tournament, in which two senior members of backroom staff were murdered. Domestically, on the pitch we’ve seen dominant Premier League performances from Manchester United, who have found top gear, while Arsenal and Chelsea have stuttered in recent weeks; and Liverpool have endured a torrid season to date, although no doubt they will be poised to regain a top four place should Aston Villa find the dizzy heights of fourth place too much for them. In the F.A. Cup, there have been the usual giant killing stories to report – Leeds United putting out Manchester United the pick of the bunch. The World Cup is around the corner, but will England have a new face leading the team out ? Tabloid revelations regarding captain John Terry and his intimate relationship with the former partner of his ex-team mate Wayne Bridge have seen various high profile names urge the centre half to quit his role. Whatever happens, the World Cup is sure to be as enthralling as ever, and let’s hope that in the forthcoming major international tournaments that some more of the home nations will be able to qualify and join in the fun !

Andy Murray narrowly missed out in a gripping final to Roger Federer in the Australian Open, looks like another winning year for him, but certainly Britain looks closer than ever to having a major tennis winner. Formula One testing has begun in earnest, in a season with three new teams hitting the grid, plus the comeback of 41 year old Michael Schumacher. This weekend also will see the start of a new Six Nations rugby tournament, will Ireland be the team to beat once again ? Whatever happens, 2010 looks set to be another enthralling year in sport.

Thanks for reading,

Mountain Man